English posts,  Writing

X-Small

When I lost control
I built myself a cage
A prison within my own body
Confined by the surface of my skin
A tiny cell
Over which I ruled
With strict control
I guarded the boarders constantly
So that they would not expand
I would wrap my fingers around my wrist
A circle to measure if everything was still in place
Proof that I had not outgrown the tiny radius
Wherein I allowed myself to be
I starved every inch of me
which dared to go beyond the line
My appetite, my desires, my passions, my dreams
I wanted to keep myself small
Unnoticed
So no-one would recognize
No one would see
That I had lost control

And years later
Long after I broke the chains
Of self imprisonment
I sometimes catch myself
As my fingers form that circle around my wrist
Habitually
Still afraid
that I might be
too much

©mywritingtherapy

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